Today at Hannaford

I saw a honkey in a rusty pickup with a bumper sticker that depicted a Confederate flag and the words; "Heritage, Not Hate."

yeah ok asshole. I'm gunna go out and buy the same sticker, but replace the flag with a swastika, and see what kind of looks I get.

Annoying, Hot, Big Head Annoys Me

Since I don't have digital cable, and don't subscribe to any pay movie or sports channels, I have to watch what comes on regular cable TV. Unfortunatly, with regular cable TV my only optoins are;
1) movies like Con Air and Roadhouse which are not only on 14 times a week, but have all the swears and boobs edited out. (Along with commercials every 2 minutes.)
2)Yankkkee games (year round, courtesy of YES.)
3) Cold Case Files, Forensic Files, and other detective based shows, (which are good, except for the fact that they are on late.)
4) Food Network.

Now, Food Network is great. I like food. I like TV. I like Mark Summers. Perfect! Bad part about Food Network: Everyday Italian, hosted by Annoying Big Head. Annoying Big Head is hot, but that's the extent of her appeal. I don't mind the fact that she can't really cook, or the fact that she only has a TV show because she is the granddaughter of Dino Delaurentis. (SIC?) I mind the fact that she does the super annoying Italian-American fake Italian pronunciation thing; saying Italian words and leaving the last syllable off. (So "prosciutto" becomes "proshoot", "mozzarella" becomes "mootzarel", and "ricotta" become "rigot". It's fucking irritating.)

Now I'm not Italian, I speak no Italian, and I've never tried to learn Italian. However I was sure that this pronunciation was incorrect. I did some internet research and it turns out my ASSumption was correct, and that Italians do in fact pronounce EVERY letter in EVERY syllable in EVERY word. Turns out this dropping of syllables thing is something that American "Italians" do. (Thank you Sopranos.) This makes Hot Big Head annoying.

Now I am guilty of being better than most in that I can somewhat understand and use a language which is not English. However whenever I say "bratwurst" or "sauerkraut", unless every other word in that sentence is also in German, I say "bratwurst" or "sauerkraut" as you would expect an American to say "bratwurst" or "sauerkraut." It's not becuase I fear ridicule from my peers, (like I'd give,) its because I wouldn't be treating other languages fairly. As I cannot pronounce Spanish, Greek, Swahili or Swedish words correctly, why draw a line?

And for Christ's sake, if you're going to be so pretentious as to insist on pronouncing ethnic words ethnically, please make sure you are doing so CORRECTLY.

Capisca?

ESPN Insider

This has to be the stupidest pay service on the internet. Does anyone really pay for this? I looked into it and its $40 a year. $40 a year to read everything they talk about on Sportscenter, which you can of course see for free.

MORONS! I CHARRANGE YOU!

Oh Jesus...

Red Sox name Nipper bullpen coach

Why don't the Mets have ANY Pitching?

WHY?

This is Awesome

I found this website made by some kids who sit around and play RBI Baseball all day, and have tournaments and even created a drinking game based around the game. It's funny.

The best part is these dudes found funny stories about a bunch of players who were featured in RBI Baseball. Have a look.

The rest of the site is funny also.

My Vacation is Over

...for the past month I've been taking it easy, and tomorrow I start my new job.

Tomorrow I beging working for the United States Postal Service.

I am a Mailman. A la Cliff Clavin. A la Newman.

Don't Forget Your Mom This Mother's Day

...I didn't

I Can Fix the Left

I was at Barnes and Noble the other day and I ran across Ann Coulter's new book and I couldn't put it down. No no no not because I was reading it, I just couldn't figure out how such a hot piece of ass could be such a cunt. Then for shits I went online to see if I could find any pictures of Laura Ingrahm. Bing again, hot piece of conservative ass #2.

We need hot chicks to be political analysts and talk show hosts and stuff. I can imagine guys staring at Ann Coulter while they watch FOX news thinking; "Gosh she's perdy," all the while her psycho rants are subliminally being embedded in their minds.

Guys are dumb.

Geddy Lee is a badass

This headline from msnbc.com had me do a double take this morning;

"Rush To Destroy Killer Virus"

"Of Salesmen!"

If I Ever Become All Retarded

like that chick from Florida, I might not care if there's some big legal battle over whether to keep me alive or not, what I would care about is the dimwit bucktooth retard photos of me being broadcast all over the world.

seriously, if you look at pictures of that chick from when she was young and not demented, she was pretty hot. But all you see on TV is pictures of a drooling moaning lump.

if i am ever a drooling moaning lump, kill me,...especially if I've been shown as such on national TV.

It's Raining

and now I have to go to work and listen to every dickhead I see say; "At least it's not the white stuff!"

Wow, you are one observent and clever motherfucker.

Dear Indians,

My family emigrated from Europe in the early 1900s(well after your land had been taken,) and worked in crappy factories 60 hours a week for enough money to feed themselves.

I personally do not own land, and also work 60 hours a week for enough money to feed myself.

Our enemy is the same group of people; rich old WASP Republicans.

That being said, I'd just like to point out that the ass fucking you gave me last night was not only uncalled for, but unfair.

I curse you and your people.

Today I Became a Man

no no no I jerked off for the first time years ago
no no no I've had beer before

today i bought my first truck. You're not a man until you've owned a pickup. If you have a penis but have never owned a pickup truck, your penis has not yet reached it's potential, limpy.

acceptable substitutes for a pickup are;
1) Early model Cherokees, Jimmys or Broncos - these were the world's first "SUVs" back before they were owned by every Dick, Mary, Dick and Peter

2) anything that didn't run when you bought it, but ran after you fixed it. (YOU, being key here. Not the mechanic, YOU.)

3) anything that you got for free.

4) anything with duct tape or bunjee cords (which YOU applied,) anywhere on the vehicle.

When a truck is not a truck:

1) There is no bed

2) It has leather interior

3) You bought it for "safety"


..oh yeah, SUV people. Please stop calling your SUV your "truck". Unless you're willing to throw muddy, rusty pipes into your vehicle, it's not a truck.

oh yeah, SUV people. Stop buying SUVs.