I just saw a very bad movie.
Ok, I'm lying, I saw it last night.
Planet of the Apes. The new one. Man was that bad. In case you haven't seen it, here's how it differs:
Marky Mark is on a spaceship with a bunch of other people, and a bunch of monkeys. They send the monkeys out in space pods to do experiments and stuff, and one monkey loses control of his space pod and disappears. (The monkeys are intelligent and can operate space pods.) So then Marky Mark gets into another space pod to get the monkey back, but is sucked through black holes or time portals or something and ends up on some planet, presumably in the future. Then he's captured with a bunch of other humans, sold as a servant to a wealthy ape family, escapes with the help of the "Human Rights" advocate daughter monkey, and makes his way to the "Forbidden Area", following a call on his homing beacon which he believes to be his spaceship. Along the way he is chased by the Ape army who want to stop him from discovering "the truth" about apes and people. (An old ape, played by Charlton Heston, reveals this secret to his son, the general of the ape army. Apparently this family is the only one who knows the truth and has been guarding it for thousands of years.) When he reaches the source of the beacon, he finds that it IS his spaceship, only it had crashed there thousands of years prior to that. All the apes on the planet are descendants of the monkeys that were on the ship, and all the people on the planet are presumably descendants of the crew. Amidst the battle that begins once the ape army catches up with Marky Mark and the other humans who joined him to stand up to the apes, the monkey who started the whole mess by getting lost, lands his space pod in the middle of the ruckus. Marky Mark then pilots the space pod back through the time warp and back to Earth. He crash-lands on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and sees that Lincoln's face is an ape, and a squadron of monkey police jump out of police cars, guns drawn. Earth to is now run by apes
You can't figure out why this is, if Marky Mark actually was on Earth the whole time and the main space ship crashed on Earth way back before life existed and populated it or what. It's just retarded. First of all, the people can all speak, unlike in the original. Not only can they speak, they can think and reason. So why are they all living like cavemen? Secondly, if they weren't on Earth, how the hell did apes get to Earth? Third, if the crew crashed on Earth millions of years ago and fucked up stuff so Apes ended up running the planet instead of humans, isn't it odd that Apes also built a Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, built cars like we have , etc...?
To make matters worse, Tim Burton directed it. I used to like him, but knowing that he is capable of this makes me rethink everything I liked about him.
Planet of the Apes. The new one. Man was that bad. In case you haven't seen it, here's how it differs:
Marky Mark is on a spaceship with a bunch of other people, and a bunch of monkeys. They send the monkeys out in space pods to do experiments and stuff, and one monkey loses control of his space pod and disappears. (The monkeys are intelligent and can operate space pods.) So then Marky Mark gets into another space pod to get the monkey back, but is sucked through black holes or time portals or something and ends up on some planet, presumably in the future. Then he's captured with a bunch of other humans, sold as a servant to a wealthy ape family, escapes with the help of the "Human Rights" advocate daughter monkey, and makes his way to the "Forbidden Area", following a call on his homing beacon which he believes to be his spaceship. Along the way he is chased by the Ape army who want to stop him from discovering "the truth" about apes and people. (An old ape, played by Charlton Heston, reveals this secret to his son, the general of the ape army. Apparently this family is the only one who knows the truth and has been guarding it for thousands of years.) When he reaches the source of the beacon, he finds that it IS his spaceship, only it had crashed there thousands of years prior to that. All the apes on the planet are descendants of the monkeys that were on the ship, and all the people on the planet are presumably descendants of the crew. Amidst the battle that begins once the ape army catches up with Marky Mark and the other humans who joined him to stand up to the apes, the monkey who started the whole mess by getting lost, lands his space pod in the middle of the ruckus. Marky Mark then pilots the space pod back through the time warp and back to Earth. He crash-lands on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and sees that Lincoln's face is an ape, and a squadron of monkey police jump out of police cars, guns drawn. Earth to is now run by apes
You can't figure out why this is, if Marky Mark actually was on Earth the whole time and the main space ship crashed on Earth way back before life existed and populated it or what. It's just retarded. First of all, the people can all speak, unlike in the original. Not only can they speak, they can think and reason. So why are they all living like cavemen? Secondly, if they weren't on Earth, how the hell did apes get to Earth? Third, if the crew crashed on Earth millions of years ago and fucked up stuff so Apes ended up running the planet instead of humans, isn't it odd that Apes also built a Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, built cars like we have , etc...?
To make matters worse, Tim Burton directed it. I used to like him, but knowing that he is capable of this makes me rethink everything I liked about him.
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