USA vs Germany
I am an expert on Germany. I know more about it than you do. I am also an expert on the United States. Again, something about which I know more. I am now going to compare the two nations, and I will decide which one is better.
Notice: At no point will I give the typical retarded American answer as to why the US is better; "Well we can just bomb them".
Pizza. German pizza is nasty. You'd think that a country so close to Italy would have a clue. No pepperoni, no Italian sausage, no mozzarella cheese. Yes salami, yes too many vegetables, and yes emmentaler cheese. Little to no sauce, cracker thin crust. Winner: USA
Cars. Ford, Chevrolet, and Chrysler vs BMW, Mercedes and Porche.Winner: Germany
Grocery stores. American superstores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They're even open on Christmas. German superstores are open Monday-Saturday 8-6, and closed for like 2 weeks after Christmas. Sucks if you want a Hot Pocket at midnight on Saturday, December 26th. Winner: USA
Holidays. The typical fresh out of college job in Germany will START an employee off with four weeks of paid vacation a year, in addition to the 100 extra holidays they have. In the US, after a year you are legally entitled to 5 days. Winner: Germany
Coffee. Need a cup? Stop anywhere in the US. Literally. I'll bet you never noticed that. It's cheap, and plentiful. In Germany if you are in need of some java you'd better have about 45 minutes to kill. You have to go to a cafe, get it in a mug, sit down, and talk with people. Coffee while driving in a car? They will laugh at you. (Trust me. I was laughed at.) Like every type of meal/snacktime in Germany it must be made into a big production. (saucers, mugs, spoons, little pitchers with cream in them, cake, etc...) Winner: USA
Women. Go to Germany. Go anywhere in Europe for that matter. It's amazing what the lack of McDonald's can do. Winner: Germany
Men. Go to Germany. Go anywhere in Europe for that matter. It's amazing what happens to the average build of men when soccer is the most popular sport. I'm 6'2" and 185lbs, and could kick the shit out of 85% of German men. Winner: USA
Travel. Drive for 5 hours in Germany. You could end up in Paris, Milan, Amsterdam, Prague, Copenhagen or Vienna. Fly an hour and you're in London, Rome or Madrid. Drive for 5 hours in the US. You could end up in Erie PA, Buffalo, Scranton, New Hampshire or Dover. Fly an hour and you're in Cleveland, Detroit, or Pittsburgh. Winner: Germany
Politicians. They had Hitler. We have Bush. Tie.
Burritos. The Mexican section in German stores consists of nacho chips. Winner: USA
Boobs. In Germany they are all over TV, in magazines, (all magazines, not just Playboy,) and chicks walk around the beach with their tits hanging out. In the USA, well, you know. Shame on you for even thinking of them. Winner: Germany
Movies. Yeah. We get them first. Winner: USA
Beer. Germany: Warsteiner, Lowenbrau, Franziskaner, and Becks. USA: Coors Light, Bud Light, Michelob Light and Miller Light. Winner: Germany
Sports. USA: Baseball, Football, Basketball, Hockey, and Lacrosse. Germany: Soccer. Winner: USA
Speed limits. You know. Winner: Germany
Gas. USA: "Boo hoo hoo gas is $1.65 a gallon." Germany: "Hooray gas went down to $1.65 a litre!" Winner: USA
French fries In the US, fries accompany your burger or sandwich in a casual restaurant. In Germany they are served in classy restaurants alongside filet mignon and lobster. I like french fries. Winner: Germany
Speaking of burgers... you'd think that the country with the city they were named after would have more of them. I haven't had a burger in Germany yet. Winner: USA
Maternity leave. In Germany, Men can take paternity leave while the woman works. That's sweet! Winner: Germany
Anti-perspirant. I wear anti perspirant. I looked high and low in Germany for ANY kind of anti-perspirant. It doesn't exist. In fact, they have never even heard of it before. Deodorant just doesn't cut it. Winner: USA
Cheese. USA: American. Germany: Emmentaler, Munster, Butterkäse, Montagnolo. Winner: Germany
After analyzing these facts, I have decided that neither place is better than the other. Oh well. At least you learned something.
Notice: At no point will I give the typical retarded American answer as to why the US is better; "Well we can just bomb them".
Pizza. German pizza is nasty. You'd think that a country so close to Italy would have a clue. No pepperoni, no Italian sausage, no mozzarella cheese. Yes salami, yes too many vegetables, and yes emmentaler cheese. Little to no sauce, cracker thin crust. Winner: USA
Cars. Ford, Chevrolet, and Chrysler vs BMW, Mercedes and Porche.Winner: Germany
Grocery stores. American superstores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They're even open on Christmas. German superstores are open Monday-Saturday 8-6, and closed for like 2 weeks after Christmas. Sucks if you want a Hot Pocket at midnight on Saturday, December 26th. Winner: USA
Holidays. The typical fresh out of college job in Germany will START an employee off with four weeks of paid vacation a year, in addition to the 100 extra holidays they have. In the US, after a year you are legally entitled to 5 days. Winner: Germany
Coffee. Need a cup? Stop anywhere in the US. Literally. I'll bet you never noticed that. It's cheap, and plentiful. In Germany if you are in need of some java you'd better have about 45 minutes to kill. You have to go to a cafe, get it in a mug, sit down, and talk with people. Coffee while driving in a car? They will laugh at you. (Trust me. I was laughed at.) Like every type of meal/snacktime in Germany it must be made into a big production. (saucers, mugs, spoons, little pitchers with cream in them, cake, etc...) Winner: USA
Women. Go to Germany. Go anywhere in Europe for that matter. It's amazing what the lack of McDonald's can do. Winner: Germany
Men. Go to Germany. Go anywhere in Europe for that matter. It's amazing what happens to the average build of men when soccer is the most popular sport. I'm 6'2" and 185lbs, and could kick the shit out of 85% of German men. Winner: USA
Travel. Drive for 5 hours in Germany. You could end up in Paris, Milan, Amsterdam, Prague, Copenhagen or Vienna. Fly an hour and you're in London, Rome or Madrid. Drive for 5 hours in the US. You could end up in Erie PA, Buffalo, Scranton, New Hampshire or Dover. Fly an hour and you're in Cleveland, Detroit, or Pittsburgh. Winner: Germany
Politicians. They had Hitler. We have Bush. Tie.
Burritos. The Mexican section in German stores consists of nacho chips. Winner: USA
Boobs. In Germany they are all over TV, in magazines, (all magazines, not just Playboy,) and chicks walk around the beach with their tits hanging out. In the USA, well, you know. Shame on you for even thinking of them. Winner: Germany
Movies. Yeah. We get them first. Winner: USA
Beer. Germany: Warsteiner, Lowenbrau, Franziskaner, and Becks. USA: Coors Light, Bud Light, Michelob Light and Miller Light. Winner: Germany
Sports. USA: Baseball, Football, Basketball, Hockey, and Lacrosse. Germany: Soccer. Winner: USA
Speed limits. You know. Winner: Germany
Gas. USA: "Boo hoo hoo gas is $1.65 a gallon." Germany: "Hooray gas went down to $1.65 a litre!" Winner: USA
French fries In the US, fries accompany your burger or sandwich in a casual restaurant. In Germany they are served in classy restaurants alongside filet mignon and lobster. I like french fries. Winner: Germany
Speaking of burgers... you'd think that the country with the city they were named after would have more of them. I haven't had a burger in Germany yet. Winner: USA
Maternity leave. In Germany, Men can take paternity leave while the woman works. That's sweet! Winner: Germany
Anti-perspirant. I wear anti perspirant. I looked high and low in Germany for ANY kind of anti-perspirant. It doesn't exist. In fact, they have never even heard of it before. Deodorant just doesn't cut it. Winner: USA
Cheese. USA: American. Germany: Emmentaler, Munster, Butterkäse, Montagnolo. Winner: Germany
After analyzing these facts, I have decided that neither place is better than the other. Oh well. At least you learned something.
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