I Like/Don't Like This Smoking Ban Thing.

I like it because as an ex-smoker, it got WAY easier to totally quit when I couldn't do it in bars anymore. (Well, I know a few places that put the ashtrays out at 10 o'clock.) I haven't even had one of those "I know I quit but what the hell I'm drunk so it doesn't count" cigarettes.

I don't like it because it's killing bars. I know quite a few bar owners who are struggling because of it. (And these guys don't make a lot in the first place, they get by and aren't rich by any means.) I also don't like it because to be it seems a bit Big Brother-esque.

Go take a quiz now.

I Made Another Quiz.

Due to the huge success of my first quiz, I have made a second.

Find out why you're not a rock star!

Do you think you are smarter than me?

Take my quiz to see where you rank!

Best Pub in Town.

Well okay, it isn't really in town, but I think it would be worth the drive.

Today I went to the Olde Bryan Inn in Saratoga. This is the first pub I've seen in the States that actually looks like a pub is supposed to look like.

They don't have the 200 beers that for some reason every pub here tries to pride themselves with, (I always just get Guinness anyway,) but they have something for everyone (Bud, Coors, LaBatt, Guinness, Paulaner Hefe Weizen, Sam Adam's seasonal, and Newcastle are what I remember seeing on the menu.)

The best part was my Guinness was only $3.95, my New England Clam Chowder was also $3.95, (and it was real, not canned,) and my entree of a chicken and sausage concoction over pene and garlic toat was only $8.95, as was Marion's grilled Tuna.

It was good. Go.

I'm famous!

I got an email from John Kerry! No it wasn't one of those mass mailed out things that everyone gets, it even had his signature on the bottom. Real authentic-like.

Going to the Fair.

Spring is here and that means soon we will be able to go to the fair.

The best part about the fair is going to see the farm animals and looking at the goats with the big sacks.

That and fried dough.

God Impeached!

The Supreme Court said: "Get out of my pledge, Lord!"

He was put there by right wing wackos in the first place, and the court correctly ruled that religion has no place in goverment. But wait, then how...come...gays...can't...

No, that would be asking too much.

I REALLY wish that Rush Limbaugh was on the air right now.

I spent $88 on two shots.

Last night it was this clown's birthday and we went to Bomber's. This place has a great tequila selection. (Not a lot of anejos though. I think the only anejo they have is Curazon. For some reason everyone likes reposotos and blancos. Reposotos are okay, blancos are nasty.)

Anyway, their best tequila is Herradura Seleccion Suprema. I said; "Fuck it, give me two." It was worth it because not only was it excellent, I can say I paid $88 for two shots. (Aren't I cool? I even got a picture of myself hung up on the wall of other idiots who also paid too much money for a shot.)

Later on I had some Cabo Wabo Reposoto. Good, but it paled in comparison.

Oh yeah. If you go to this place on your birthday, they serve you a humongo 40oz margarita for free.

I Had Tacos or Burritos.

I'm not really sure what they were. At first I called them tacos, but I was using flour tortillas and folding them up like a burrito. (You know, so the meat doesn't fall out.) When does a taco stop being a taco?

Anyway my sister made them and I rushed home because, you know, tacos. She cooked up about a pound of beef, added half a can of refried beans and chili seasoning. I then added a drop, ONE DROP, of Dave's Ultimate Insanity Sauce. My cornhole burned a little this morning.

I urge everyone to buy this stuff. Even if you don't like hot stuff it's good to have around for practical jokes. (You know, slip some in a sandwich or rub it on the lip of a beer bottle. Trust me it doesn't take much.) This is the same stuff me and one of my other moronic friends used to take the "Hot Sauce Challenge" where we were eating tablespoons of it at a time. After two we called a truce. I then felt dizzy and broke into a cold sweat, and he started vomiting. I think I went into minor shock. The stuff is awesome.

If you like spicy mustard the Hurtin' Habanero Honey Mustard is excellent.

I Guess I'm Hitler.

No really, I took a test and I'm a Nazi. See for yourself.

I Had Good Mexican Food.

I know what you're thinking; "But all Mexican food is good!" I have found this not to be the case. When I make tacos or burrittos at home they're fantastic. However Mexican restaurants more often then not suck. (Think Chi Chi's.) We have a Garcia's, and a place called Taco Pronto which are both crap. Chili's isn't really Mexican, and neither is Fresno's. I have heard El Mariachi is good, but I haven't been there yet. Today I went to Pancho's and I liked it. I had a chimichanga. I will go again.

The other thing I don't like about Mexican restaurants is that their beer selections are always pretty shitty, but I guess a stout wouldn't pair well with spicy food. Water is better than Tecate.

How Not to be THAT Customer.

Yes you are surprised that someone of my intellect works in a measly, customer service-oriented field, while someone of yours has a good job. (Presumably.) However, dealing with the public is what keeps me going. If it were not for the years of experience in positions like this one, I would not be able to say with confidence that I am more intelligent and posses greater sense than 85% of the populace, (95% on weekends,) nor would I have so much material and ammunition. I digress to the matter at hand.

You are annoying.

"What?" you say.

You are annoying. (Provided that you can answer "yes" to this question: You have at some point bought something from somewhere.) You are an idiot, and dealing with you everyday chips away at my brain. Do you actually believe that the cashiers at Wal Mart are as dumb as they appear to be? Au contrere, most of them hold college degrees, and at one point were nose breathers. YOU made them the way they are now.

This is a plea from the world of retail to, well, the world. Please hear me before I suffer the same fate as my Wal Mart brethren. Read what I lay before you, and save us all.

1) Listen to the Boy Scouts. "Be prepared" is their motto, and prepared is what you should be. If you go to the bank, fill out your deposit slip BEFORE you go to the counter. When you're in line at McDonald's, decide what you want BEFORE you get to the counter. (That is the reason you can read their menu at 150 yards, and their menu hasn't changed in 45 years anyway.)

Guess what? Shit ain't free. Have your money handy. When you are digging for your cash or credit card you are impeding progress. Not only are you annoying the clerk, but you are annoying the people behind you who are prepared. (Ladies, are purses necessary? I understand the small ones which are basically wallets with a strap, but aren't your duffelbag-sized ones a bit silly?)

2) Enjoy the Silence. Do not speak. The only words you should utter are "please" and "thank you". I know it's snowing outside, I have windows to. Yes, I am aware that it is hot out. I to am allowed outside from time to time, and for Christ's sake it's July. The clerk may not be a republican/democrat/christian/jew/gay/straight, so it's best to play it safe and keep your idiotic comments to yourself. Get my drift?

3) Your Shit Stinks. Do not believe otherwise. All shit stinks.

That's all. Three simple rules, all very followable. I could go on with others, but that would be asking for too much. Baby steps, baby steps.

Boobies are Fun!

Play with them here.

Isn't the internet great?

Jesus the Vampire Slayer

How come we are so uptight about violence on TV, video games, in music and so on when religion makes people wacky like this guy: Crazy Christian Guy

I went to a closed 24 hr store

Yes. It's true.

The Price Chopper in Brunswick was closed.

I was going to stay at my friend's house tonight, since we got a bunch of snow. So after playing Playstation 2 for a few hours, I found myself as the only one awake. I needed saline solution to take out my lenses, so I drove up to the one in Brunswick. CLOSED. 24 hour store, CLOSED. I started on my way to the Hannaford in Latham, but decided "fuck it, I'm going home."

Ever seen a closed 24/7 store?

I have.

I Want to Bang June Cleaver.

Not Barbara Billingsley herself, but June Cleaver. I guess I'd settle for Janine Turner from the 1997 movie, but Barbara really turns my knobs.

I just saw a very bad movie.

Ok, I'm lying, I saw it last night.

Planet of the Apes. The new one. Man was that bad. In case you haven't seen it, here's how it differs:

Marky Mark is on a spaceship with a bunch of other people, and a bunch of monkeys. They send the monkeys out in space pods to do experiments and stuff, and one monkey loses control of his space pod and disappears. (The monkeys are intelligent and can operate space pods.) So then Marky Mark gets into another space pod to get the monkey back, but is sucked through black holes or time portals or something and ends up on some planet, presumably in the future. Then he's captured with a bunch of other humans, sold as a servant to a wealthy ape family, escapes with the help of the "Human Rights" advocate daughter monkey, and makes his way to the "Forbidden Area", following a call on his homing beacon which he believes to be his spaceship. Along the way he is chased by the Ape army who want to stop him from discovering "the truth" about apes and people. (An old ape, played by Charlton Heston, reveals this secret to his son, the general of the ape army. Apparently this family is the only one who knows the truth and has been guarding it for thousands of years.) When he reaches the source of the beacon, he finds that it IS his spaceship, only it had crashed there thousands of years prior to that. All the apes on the planet are descendants of the monkeys that were on the ship, and all the people on the planet are presumably descendants of the crew. Amidst the battle that begins once the ape army catches up with Marky Mark and the other humans who joined him to stand up to the apes, the monkey who started the whole mess by getting lost, lands his space pod in the middle of the ruckus. Marky Mark then pilots the space pod back through the time warp and back to Earth. He crash-lands on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and sees that Lincoln's face is an ape, and a squadron of monkey police jump out of police cars, guns drawn. Earth to is now run by apes

You can't figure out why this is, if Marky Mark actually was on Earth the whole time and the main space ship crashed on Earth way back before life existed and populated it or what. It's just retarded. First of all, the people can all speak, unlike in the original. Not only can they speak, they can think and reason. So why are they all living like cavemen? Secondly, if they weren't on Earth, how the hell did apes get to Earth? Third, if the crew crashed on Earth millions of years ago and fucked up stuff so Apes ended up running the planet instead of humans, isn't it odd that Apes also built a Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, built cars like we have , etc...?

To make matters worse, Tim Burton directed it. I used to like him, but knowing that he is capable of this makes me rethink everything I liked about him.

Must...Eat..at...Chain...Restaurant...

I can't help it. I am like a zombie looking for brains.

For some reason whenever I try to think of a restaurant, the following always pop, in order, into my head: Olive Garden, Bennigan's, Pizzeria Uno's, TGI Friday's, Ruby Tuesday's, Chili's and Applebee's. I have recently gotten good at resisting my crackhead-like urges and have been going to different places, but, like crack, I can't really figure out why people like myself are so addicted to them.

I decided that the only one of these places it is acceptable to go to is Uno's, since they offer something no one else does; their delicious flaky crust deep dish pies. The others however, I can't figure them out. The Olive Garden is just an Italian restaurant, but I guess their "all you can eat" breadsticks, salad and pasta are a drawing point. (Although I cannot imagine eating more than one helping there.) Chili's is good in a better-than-Taco Bell sort of way, and the others, well, I cannot draw a clear distinction between their menus.

I guess it's just because the are so accessible, and you don't have to venture downtown and search for parking. I don't know.

Just try to go to different places would ya? I mean what fun is it going to San Francisco and eating at The Hard Rock Cafe, or going to Boston and going to Chili's? It's not, so explore other options around your home. (And no, different Chinese buffets doesn't count.)

The World's Best Laxative.

If you're feeling, well, "stuffy", in my days I have discovered this to be an effective laxative:

Wake up and eat nothing all day. About 5 hours before you go to bed, start drinking Guinness. The draught works better than the extra stout. If you can actually go to a bar and get tap Guinness that works best, otherwise use the cans or bottles. Drink about, oh, 8-12. Then when you wake up drink a couple of cups of coffee. You will be clean in no time.

Tampon commercials are wrong.

This post is for men only.

Today, boys, when you are out working, playing or doing whatever, I want you to find the hottest woman you can.

Then picture her taking a shit.

She's not so hot anymore is she?

This is why I wish they would have fat, ugly chicks on tampon commercials. There's something about model-type chicks talking about vaginal bleeding that makes me want change the channel in disgust.

Good movie.

I just got through watching Von Ryan's Express. They just don't make movies like that anymore do they? War movies nowadays just aren't what they were.

The French are weird.

Mind you that I am not making this up:

In 1954 the village council of Chateauneuf-du-Pape, located in the Rhone Valley in the southern part of the country, passed an ordinance making it illegal for UFOs to land in or on their vineyards. The law also states that any flying saucer caught violating this ordinance will be taken to the pound.

Weird eh?

All Americans PLEASE read:

We have to stop President Bush. He is leading this county to its doom. He and his ultra right wing buddies are TAKING AWAY YOUR FREEDOMS. Please visit this site: www.johnkerry.com and donate to save yourself. President Bush has done nothing to better this country, and is fortunate 9/11 happened because otherwise he would not have a leg to stand on. Please America, see through the bumper stickers and cheesy "patriotic" slogans and get this man OUT OF OFFICE. He is a liar, and now a murderer. Please renew my faith in the American people and get this retard out of Washington. Our boys are dying in a pointless war, and the most American thing you can do is decide that American blood isn't worth spilling over there. Protect your own, protect your countrymen, save our brothers and sisters and support John Kerry. We were lied to about the pretense of this war, and now it's time to get back at the agressor, President Bush, and vote him back to Texas. Let's prove to the world that this is truly the greatest nation on the planet, and show our support to a real man, John F. Kerry.

Wal Mart Nation.

What is wrong with all of you?

If there is one company that does NOT deserve another cent of your money, its Wal Mart. Wal Mart is an AWFUL company that has all of you idiots hypnotised by that dumb smiling face that floats around the commercials and shoots arrows at $10.99 and makes it $9.83. You are all retarded.

Wal Mart is the largest retail store IN THE WORLD. It is so large, that currently Sam's children Alice, Helen, Jim, John and Sam split the shares of the company 5 ways and are worth $20.5 BILLION dollars each. You all think that Bill Gates is rich? He's worth about $46 billion. If Sam Walton had one child instead of five, that child right now would be worth $102.5 BILLION.

Wal Mart is a bully. They bully their way into communities, draw in customers using ultra low prices, then once everyone in town is gone, they raise them up again. But you, the stupid average everyday person, does not realize this and insists on shopping there. What they hell, they only fucked over your neighbor. But what were you supposed to do? Wal Mart was a dollar cheaper than they guy you've been giving your business to who lives in a home much like your own, who pays the same taxes as you do, and whose children are friends with your children. I mean I understand, I consistency fuck people over $1.

Wal Mart is a company full of GREEDY ASS MOTHERFUCKERS. But "oh, when they come to town they create more jobs than they eliminate." Yes, by golly you're right! Jim's grocery employed 10 people and paid them all $12/hr, but God bless Wal Mart, they closed down that Jim's Grocery and turned his ten jobs into TWENTY, all paying six whole dollars an hour! Geeze don't I feel stupid!

Wal Mart currently employs something like 7 trillion monkeys in the US. These monkeys are not allowed to unionize either. If they do they all lose their jobs, and scabs are called in. (Becuase we all know how tough it is to find $6/hr work.)

Wal Mart sells shit. They only sell lowest bidder products, so this shit you are buying is literally shit. What would you rather buy, one Volvo at $25,000 every 15 years, or one KIA every three years at $9,000. "But oh the KIA is so inexpensive..." THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S SHIT! Well the same holds true for other goods. The most economical thing you can buy is the best. You all have to start thinking long term. Idiots.

Bottom line; If you shop at Wal Mart, you're an idiot. More than that you are an unpatriotic idiot. You are destroying the entrepreneurial nature of this country. You are allowing the fat fuck with all the cards to take the pot, and you aren't even willing to call him out because that would cost you $1.

Yeah land of the free my ass. You're free to start up any business you want, as long as Wal Mart doesn't want it also. Republican asswipes. The rich get richer, and you save $1.

I give up on you people. I'm moving to Europe.

What you need to do,

is support John Kerry. I just donated to his campaign, and I urge you to do the same. Please visit the Elect John Kerry webpage and donate what you can afford. We need everyone in on this. Please don't stand idly by, consider your donation an investment in your future, and your children's future.

Patacki Shoots Self in Foot.

This could be good and bad. The latest budget proposal submitted by the other wacky George could alienate him from some of his staunchest supporters. It has to do with guns, so let me first spell out my views on gun control.

Guns are fun. When used responsibly, they can provide an enjoyable past time. I do not hunt, but I love meat, so it would be hypocritical to say that hunting is wrong. Anyone who has ever had venison will agree with me, and I feel that killing an animal in the wild is much more humane than the way chicken factories treat their chickens. (At least the deer had a life.) I also believe that if you want to own a gun for protection, you have the right to protect yourself. I do not however, believe that you need a Howitzer to shoot a buck or stop an intruder.

Anyway, I guess the new budget is going to include new fees on guns and their licenses. Here is a link to a place where you can read about it. HERE. I apologize for the link, because the only articles I could find about this were from crazy right wing pages, and I chose this one because it wasn't too nuts. Well, as nuts as the others for that matter.

This is bad from a gun lover's/owner's perspective, but good because maybe now some pro-gun crazies will start a movement against him and we can dethrone King George.

Jesus is weird.

If Jesus was supposed to be so good, how come he makes people so weird? Why are Jesus people so strange, and not-fun? How come Jesus people have to consult the Bible before they do anything, and then find a way for the Bible to say they shouldn't have fun. Go to this NY Times article about wacko Christian college Patrick Henry Psychward College. You can read the article if you want, but just scroll down to the picture of the kid praying and you can pretty much guess the contents of the article.

Here's what I say. My feeble mind cannot comprehend life without some kind of higher power. I'm not that lucky. The best thing I ever did was win the sperm race. So, yes, I believe in a higher power. Jesus however, is a different story. I do not doubt his existence, but do not believe he was God. Think of it. In his time he walked around, claiming to be God, got some people to follow him, made other people mad, and eventually the government got mad so they killed him.

Sounds like something that happened in Waco about 1993, only substitute Pontius Pilate for the ATF.

Yes I am saying that Jesus was a psycho. If everyone is going to believe stories from old books, how come no one believes there was a guy named Hercules who fought a three headed snake, or a guy named Ulysses who blinded a giant Cyclops? How come no one believes that Zeus is God? Shit an old book does say so.

Take that wrong wingers.

Go here!

What did the fingers say to the face?! SLAP!

Gas is not expensive.

Dear idiots,

Gas is not expensive, and you all should stop complaining about how now it costs you and extra $10 a week to fill your tank. So on Tuesday don't stop and get your Grande Double Espresso Cum Laude and Caramel, and on Thursday don't supersize your triple large burger combo if it's really putting a dent in your wallet.

But "oh oh oh it used to be..." Shut up. I want you all to take out your Consumer Price Index charts.

Jesus christ you all lost yours? Ok, ok.

We will use the years of 1982-1984 as our reference point, and give all goods at that time a value of 100. (As the CPI does.) As of right now, the average rent is 199.7. Alcohol is up to 183.6. The average restaurant tab is at 178.3. Tobacco is all the way up to 461.5. Right now, Gasoline is..., are you ready? 116. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN! THAT'S! THAT'S! Oh wait a minute...shit. That's not much at all, especially since everything else has doubled. And I see if I quit smoking, drinking, and eating out, not only will I be healthier, but it would in a sense make my gasoline CHEAPER than before.

Yes, the general public is retarded. Yes, I admit there was a time when the price going up 10 cents a gallon really did hurt me, but that was in high school and I was filling my tank with the change from my lunch money. I think if the prices of canned peas were loudly displayed over our roadways, we would be up in arms over peas now being $0.69 a can rather than $0.59.

And even if you think I am being an obnoxious, know it all conceited bastard, which I guess I am, and you're really that upset about gasoline being oh so expensive, think about this:

What are you going to do, stop driving?

SUCCESS!!

YES! Michigan sauce wins! Here's the recipe. My suggestion would be less ketchup, no sugar, (I left that out and am glad I did,) and some chili powder.

Served with Sabretts, prepared "all the way".

Michigan Sauce.

Well I'm going to try it again. I didn't see this on Food Network though so it should be safe.

Michigan Sauce everyone, tonight it's Michigan Sauce. Michigan Sauce is the type of sauce you get on hot dogs, at least around here it is. I hope it's like Mike's Hot Dogs. I'll let you know.

USA vs Germany

I am an expert on Germany. I know more about it than you do. I am also an expert on the United States. Again, something about which I know more. I am now going to compare the two nations, and I will decide which one is better.
Notice: At no point will I give the typical retarded American answer as to why the US is better; "Well we can just bomb them".

Pizza. German pizza is nasty. You'd think that a country so close to Italy would have a clue. No pepperoni, no Italian sausage, no mozzarella cheese. Yes salami, yes too many vegetables, and yes emmentaler cheese. Little to no sauce, cracker thin crust. Winner: USA

Cars. Ford, Chevrolet, and Chrysler vs BMW, Mercedes and Porche.Winner: Germany

Grocery stores. American superstores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They're even open on Christmas. German superstores are open Monday-Saturday 8-6, and closed for like 2 weeks after Christmas. Sucks if you want a Hot Pocket at midnight on Saturday, December 26th. Winner: USA

Holidays. The typical fresh out of college job in Germany will START an employee off with four weeks of paid vacation a year, in addition to the 100 extra holidays they have. In the US, after a year you are legally entitled to 5 days. Winner: Germany

Coffee. Need a cup? Stop anywhere in the US. Literally. I'll bet you never noticed that. It's cheap, and plentiful. In Germany if you are in need of some java you'd better have about 45 minutes to kill. You have to go to a cafe, get it in a mug, sit down, and talk with people. Coffee while driving in a car? They will laugh at you. (Trust me. I was laughed at.) Like every type of meal/snacktime in Germany it must be made into a big production. (saucers, mugs, spoons, little pitchers with cream in them, cake, etc...) Winner: USA

Women. Go to Germany. Go anywhere in Europe for that matter. It's amazing what the lack of McDonald's can do. Winner: Germany

Men. Go to Germany. Go anywhere in Europe for that matter. It's amazing what happens to the average build of men when soccer is the most popular sport. I'm 6'2" and 185lbs, and could kick the shit out of 85% of German men. Winner: USA

Travel. Drive for 5 hours in Germany. You could end up in Paris, Milan, Amsterdam, Prague, Copenhagen or Vienna. Fly an hour and you're in London, Rome or Madrid. Drive for 5 hours in the US. You could end up in Erie PA, Buffalo, Scranton, New Hampshire or Dover. Fly an hour and you're in Cleveland, Detroit, or Pittsburgh. Winner: Germany

Politicians. They had Hitler. We have Bush. Tie.

Burritos. The Mexican section in German stores consists of nacho chips. Winner: USA

Boobs. In Germany they are all over TV, in magazines, (all magazines, not just Playboy,) and chicks walk around the beach with their tits hanging out. In the USA, well, you know. Shame on you for even thinking of them. Winner: Germany

Movies. Yeah. We get them first. Winner: USA

Beer. Germany: Warsteiner, Lowenbrau, Franziskaner, and Becks. USA: Coors Light, Bud Light, Michelob Light and Miller Light. Winner: Germany

Sports. USA: Baseball, Football, Basketball, Hockey, and Lacrosse. Germany: Soccer. Winner: USA

Speed limits. You know. Winner: Germany

Gas. USA: "Boo hoo hoo gas is $1.65 a gallon." Germany: "Hooray gas went down to $1.65 a litre!" Winner: USA

French fries In the US, fries accompany your burger or sandwich in a casual restaurant. In Germany they are served in classy restaurants alongside filet mignon and lobster. I like french fries. Winner: Germany

Speaking of burgers... you'd think that the country with the city they were named after would have more of them. I haven't had a burger in Germany yet. Winner: USA

Maternity leave. In Germany, Men can take paternity leave while the woman works. That's sweet! Winner: Germany

Anti-perspirant. I wear anti perspirant. I looked high and low in Germany for ANY kind of anti-perspirant. It doesn't exist. In fact, they have never even heard of it before. Deodorant just doesn't cut it. Winner: USA

Cheese. USA: American. Germany: Emmentaler, Munster, Butterkäse, Montagnolo. Winner: Germany

After analyzing these facts, I have decided that neither place is better than the other. Oh well. At least you learned something.

Bushmercials.

I just followed a link to the re-elect George Bush commercials.

They're really trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator aren't they? Running on 9/11? That is seriously the biggest scumbag move ever.

Didn't hear any issues discussed in any of the three ads either. Just wait until they get their Anti-Kerry spots going. And you know that this administration has no problem slinging the mud around.

Balls DO matter.

Ever think that a bowling ball is just a bowling ball? Well you're wrong. Balls actually CAN get worn out, stop hooking and stop driving through the pins as hard as they once did. This is caused by the coverstock wearing down. The coverstock is the outer layer surrounding the ball, and comes in different varieties;

Plastic is the cheapest, and offers the least amount of hook potential and pin action. Urethane and reactive resin are more popular with regular, league bowlers. Particle technology coverstocks offer tremendous amounts of hook potential, so much so that they can only be used on heavily oiled lanes, and are used almost primarily by professionals as they are difficult to control.

Once this "gripping layer" has been worn down by the friction between the ball and the lane, the ball will stop hooking as much, and won't be able to drive through the pins as effectively. (Sort of like the difference between trying to push someone over while standing on ice versus solid ground.)

How long do balls last? That depends on how often you bowl, how hard you throw, and how much hook you apply. Obviously, someone who throws 19mph with a severe hook will wear out a ball quicker than someone who throws 15mph with a slight hook. A weekly league bowler might begin to see changes in their ball behavior after 12-18 months.

On the same token, not only do balls break down, but they have to be broken in. This is called putting a "track" on your ball. When you throw a ball, the same parts of the ball will be in contact with the lane every time. (More or less.) The coverstock has to be broken in, and once the surface that touches the lane has gotten used to being used, it will then begin to grip, hook, and drive. This typically takes anywhere from 8-20 games, depending again on the amount of hook you expect from your ball.

Do not buy your ball from a sporting goods store. Buy from a Pro shop or bowling specialty store. The monkey in the mall may be able to drill three holes in a ball, but that's about it. A pro can recommend balls by analyzing your bowling style, (where you stand, what arrow you throw at, lefty vs righty, hook vs no hook, etc...) and drill accordingly. It's worth the extra money.

Big Party. Free Busch. November 2nd. Republicans only.

I would like to extend a warm invitation to all Republicans across the nation to come to my house on November 2nd for my first ever Elect "Busch" party. The beer will be free and unlimited. Party starts early, 8am or so, and goes until about 10:15. You have to be there at 8am for free beer, and I will be taking your keys when you get there so you can't leave. Texans and Floridians will be given VIP treatment, and are strongly urged to attend. There will be skeet shooting, an appearance by Toby Keith, BBQ, line dancing, and much more.

Democrats and liberals will be turned away at the door.

Green Party members also welcome.

Please RSVP by October 2nd, as I have to order the beer and pork rinds and such.

Oh no.

I actually kind of agree with something that Bush did. I think it's good when we use our troops in peacekeeping matters. Now whether or not we started the uprising in the first place has yet to be determined, and that's balls if we did, but in any case US marines are keeping a degree of order there until UN troops get there. Oh and I guess that Jean-Bertrand Aristide was bitching that he was kidnapped, but he should be licking US ass because if they didn't "kidnap" him there's a good chance he'd be dead. Unless the US started the whole thing in the first place, in which case that would be balls again, and I wouldn't put that past the son of the guy who was Vice President when we did the same shit in Nicaragua.

Ass.

Hieronim fur Bundeskanzler, 2008!

Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. I, Hieronim, will be moving across the great pond to Europe in the coming year. I will settle in the small town of Waltrams, Germany. I have decided that their political system is in shambles. I mean, what's with more than two parties? I have a difficult time distinguishing the difference between our two, let alone the 76 parties they all got over there. As an undereducated individual, I feel that if one of us can win 49% of the vote here in the US and rise to power, Germany should be a cake walk. My plan is simple: Pick one dumb, stoopid, insignificant issue that will exactly divide the voting public in half, giving me a 49%/51% chance of successfully losing the vote, and then take over control of the nation.

Read this article: Autobahn Deaths Force Germans to Rethink Passion for Speed. I feel that this is an issue that can sharply divide that nation. "Wacky" Patacki won the governorship of New York by promising a higher speed limit and a death penalty. I will win the Chancellorship of Germany by choosing to back a limitation on Autobahn speedlimits. Or not. I haven't really decided yet. (But that doesn't really matter.) I'm so excited over the prospect of running my own country, I almost just peeed myself.