Today I Became a Man

no no no I jerked off for the first time years ago
no no no I've had beer before

today i bought my first truck. You're not a man until you've owned a pickup. If you have a penis but have never owned a pickup truck, your penis has not yet reached it's potential, limpy.

acceptable substitutes for a pickup are;
1) Early model Cherokees, Jimmys or Broncos - these were the world's first "SUVs" back before they were owned by every Dick, Mary, Dick and Peter

2) anything that didn't run when you bought it, but ran after you fixed it. (YOU, being key here. Not the mechanic, YOU.)

3) anything that you got for free.

4) anything with duct tape or bunjee cords (which YOU applied,) anywhere on the vehicle.

When a truck is not a truck:

1) There is no bed

2) It has leather interior

3) You bought it for "safety"


..oh yeah, SUV people. Please stop calling your SUV your "truck". Unless you're willing to throw muddy, rusty pipes into your vehicle, it's not a truck.

oh yeah, SUV people. Stop buying SUVs.